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How Can I Help My Grieving Friend?

When we see a friend, family member, or peer lose someone they loved so deeply, our instinct is to jump in and help in any way we can.

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But how? The truth is, the only thing that could truly take their grief away would be bringing that loved one back—and that’s not possible.

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As humans, we’re naturally driven to help, to fix, to make things better. We fight to ease the pain of those we care about. But with grief, there’s no quick fix.

 

Grieving people don’t need to be fixed—they need to be loved.

So What Can I Do?

The best way to support someone who is grieving is simply to listen.

Listen to their pain, their thoughts, their fears, and their memories.

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Avoid overwhelming them with too many questions. Questions are good, but not too many. 

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Sometimes, the simplest questions—and just being there with love and presence—can offer comfort that lasts a lifetime.

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What Can I Ask?

"How are you doing this afternoon?"

"What are you feeling right now?"

"What were they like?"

"How did you sleep?"

"What is one of your favorite memories?"

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Directing questions to a smaller time frame helps the grieving person process their emotions more easily and feel less overwhelmed. You’d be surprised how much someone might share in response to the simplest, most thoughtful questions.

Frequently Asked Questions... About Death...

"I’ve never experienced grief or loss before, and my friend’s mom just passed away. It’s so upsetting—I want to be there for them, but what do I even say?"

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Death is scary. Supporting someone who’s grieving—especially when you haven’t experienced loss yourself—can feel overwhelming. It’s often treated as taboo. Some people even avoid addressing is because they experience "imposter syndrome". Yet --- it can be as simple and honest as saying:

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"I’m so sorry for your loss. I may not fully understand this kind of grief, but I’m here to support you in every way you need, for as long as you need."

"I don’t understand what you’re going through, but my heart aches for you."

"I’m so sorry. They were amazing."

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"I haven’t spoken to them in years, but their sister just died. I don’t think it’s my place to say anything. Should I?"

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Yes, absolutely. Another case of many experiencing 'imposter syndrome". When someone is grieving, they hold on to every bit of love and support they receive. Grief reminds us of our shared humanity—death is the most universal experience there is. No matter your current connection to someone, your words will likely be received with appreciation, not judgment.

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"When is the right time to move on from grief and loss?"

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Actually, never. Grief is a lifelong journey. We never forget the people we love. You might find yourself crying two—or twenty—years after someone has passed, and that’s not only okay, it’s natural. It reflects your ongoing love and connection.​

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"I’m going to see a peer today whose loved one passed away over the weekend. Should I avoid mentioning it? I don’t want to remind them..."

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Actually, no. Of course, there’s a time and place for deeper conversations, but ignoring someone’s loss can feel like ignoring their pain—or worse, forgetting their loved one.

 

The truth is, you're not “reminding” them of their grief; it’s already there, always present in some way.

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By acknowledging it, you’re recognizing their journey. A simple gesture can mean everything.

 

You might say:

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"By the way, I’m really sorry about your aunt. I’m so glad to see you and spend time with you tonight."

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The simple words "I’m sorry for your loss" can mean the entire world to someone who’s grieving.

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Sky
My Approach

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